Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Jokes, Jokes and Jokes

I was out for few days because I was busy writing my “journal”, you will know what kind of journal is that few months from now. I just opened my blog now and I don’t have any idea yet what to write, then I thought of shairng these jokes from my collections, I hope it will make you smile today.


THE GRADUATE

A young man reported for his first day of work at a supermarket.
The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said,

“Your first job will be to sweep out the store.”

“But I’m a college graduate,” the young man replied indignantly.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager.

“Here, give me the broom – I’ll show you how.”

 


image source

THE INTERVIEW

Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of university,

“And what starting salary were you looking for?
The engineer said, “In the neighbourhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”

The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, full medical and dental cover, company pension with retirement on 80% of salary, and a company car changed every 2 years”

The Engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow! Are you kidding?”

The interviewer replied, “Yeah, but you started it!”

THE JOB APPLICATION

A man was filling out a job application. When he came to the question,

“Have you ever been arrested?”
“No.”, he replied.

The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous

question, was “Why?”
The applicant answered it anyway: “Never got caught.”


image source

THE FLY

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around wtih a flyswatter.
“What are you doing?” She asks.

“Hunting Flies” He responded.
“Oh!, Killing any?” She asks.

“Yep, 3 males, 2 Females”, he replies
Intrigued, she asks. “How can you tell?”

“3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone”.

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Source: from e-mail

Colin, the bus driver was driving with a bus load of old ladies down the motorway when he was tapped on his shoulder by one of them.

She offered him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munched up. After about 15 minutes, she tapped him on his shoulder again and she handed him another handful of peanuts.

She repeated this gesture about five more times.

When she was about to hand him another batch he asked the little old lady, ‘Why don’t you eat the peanuts yourself?’.

‘We can’t chew them because we’ve no teeth’, she replied.

Puzzled, Colin asked, ‘Why do you buy them then?’

The old lady replied, ‘We just love the chocolate around them.’

Image by:Khunlee

The following are the top three words women want to hear after “I Love You.”

1. YOU WERE RIGHT.
2. I WAS WRONG.
3. I AM SORRY.
4. LET’S EAT OUT.
5. YOU LOOK THINNER.
6. I’LL CLEAN UP.
7. LET’S JUST CUDDLE.
8. CAN I VACUUM?
9. YOUR MOTHER’S WELCOME.
10. WHICH CHORE FIRST?
11. TAKE YOUR TIME.
12. BUY THEM BOTH